...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She needs sedatives and a leash
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
