Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
