It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
