She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
