Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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