Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
