He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
