God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize