you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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