i barfeds in our rink
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
