Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
