If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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