You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
