I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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