Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
