i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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