I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
