She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
