Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
