I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
