I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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