that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
