so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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