Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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