Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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