question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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