dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
