He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
