I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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