May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
