Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
