i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
