You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
