HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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