i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
