does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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