He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
