When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
