The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Randomize
