Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
