First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
