He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize