On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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