my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
