Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
