its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize