you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
