Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
