Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
