Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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