my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
