in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
