Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
