This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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