There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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