First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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