You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
