Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
