We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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