so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
