That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
