theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
