I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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