I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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