so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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