god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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