Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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