Buhtt sex?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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