worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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