yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
