i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
