Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
