Got a toothbrush?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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